Yes; I hear you.
But, are you listening?
One of my closest confidants caught me in this situation over the last week and called me out on it. I was aware of the words and the conversation: I was in the same room, I was making all the right responses and replies, yet we were not connected.
Hmm. “Hello; hello?” (It’s like talking to a dial tone. Nobody is there.)
It’s easy to say “I hear you.” But am I listening- really listening? Am I present to what is going on, on multiple levels? In coach training we are taught to listen for the under-currents, for what is under the superficial conversation and then again, for what is under that. It’s interesting to me that some of the best coaching calls I have been a part of (as either a coach or a client) have been ones without any video feed – the conversation was not supplemented with obvious body language. In those conversations the nuances of timing and breathing were noticeable and everything was metaphorically amplified by the lack of visual cues. It’s a skill to hone. That’s listening – when the shift of perspective is articulated in a sigh or the open space of silence speaks volumes. Sometimes intuition plays into the conversation, but more often I hunch it is just really acute listening that makes a good connection.
I am particularly intentional about my listening when I am engaged in my workday and it caught me off-guard to realize how casually I was interacting with my closest friends and family. And so, I will strive to re-calibrate my listening skills and tune-in a little more carefully, having been held accountable for one the most valuable tenants of my own craft!
Thank you, my friend, for holding up the mirror! You got my attention. XO
If you were really listening, what would you hear beneath the words of a conversation? What’s the potential of connecting at this deeper level; what’s then possible?